Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's new book is pretty representative of America at its worst. The title alone, "How to Be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture" goes a long way toward illustrating the couple's involvement with some of our most odious pillars of society.

But if you stopped at the book's title, you wouldn't make it to other insipid chapters, like the one titled "Pretty on the Outside," which reminds the audience that fitness is important because "celebrities are there to look hot for the common people. It's our job."

"Pretty On The Outside" is not followed by a chapter called "Pretty On The Inside," but rather "The Paps Are Your Friends." If you happen to think the camera-wielding locusts who cause accidents and invade privacy are actually not your friends, Speidi has a message for you: "We find these people embarrassments to the industry."

Pot, there's a kettle I'd like you to meet.

"How to Be Famous" also includes a chapter titled "Women's Weapons of Mass Destruction." Those "weapons" in question? Tears.

Montag writes: "A crying woman trumps all things … let's pretend for one second you MIGHT be wrong in an argument one day. Just go to the waterworks and all is forgiven, isn't it? … Even the most hardened villainess can break people down with puppy-dog eyes and a few tears."

Hey Heidi, quick question: Why did you have to lump an entire gender into your scurrilous web of fame whoring tactics? I shudder to think, and do doubt, that a vapid essay about the upside of emotional exploitation could do anything to really move the needle on that front but nonetheless, it's counterproductive to continue to perpetrate such ideas. Women work hard enough to be taken seriously, this does no good.